Yesterday I went in to my OB for my 36 week appointment, and as I knew it, all was well. Even though I have all of this discomfort and all around shitty lethargic mind state, Dr. Juhn assured me that it is all normal, and that all of the pressure and sharp pains mean that my body is progressing towards labor. In the back of my mind I wanted her to say that she was concerned and that she'd check me and admit me and Oskar would be coming soon but I know it is better that he comes later than sooner. So for now, Oskar is nice and healthy and comfy in my belly. My appointments will be weekly now that I am three weeks away from our official 'due date'. Next week she told me that she would start checking my cervix to see if I am dilated at all. So I look forward to next Friday's appointment! Lets hope it brings good progressive news.
On the bright side, I am so thankful that I have had the past two weeks off of work to get everything prepared for baby, and Peter and I too. Now we just need to get the car seat installed, and make arrangements for Teagan while we are away at the hospital. On Monday we have our tour appointment at 7 p.m. in Roseville at the hospital where I will be delivering. A lot of people keep asking me how I plan on having my baby. I am really hoping and trying to prepare for the most natural approach to labor and delivery as I can. It is pretty important to me to try and bare through the contractions without giving into an epidural, but if it happens-- then it happens and I am not going to beat myself up about it. I have moments of doubt and extreme nervousness about the pain, and then I remember that it is coming no matter what, that women have done this forever, my body is made for it and I CAN do it. I have so many friends who are first time mom's and some who are second time moms, so I have been lucky enough to soak up tons of great advice and information from not only women who I know I can trust, but also women who I can relate to. Of course I could listen to the advice my mother gives me, and my elders, but so many things change between now and then, and I am grateful for it, but I feel a great relief in taking in the advice of my fellow generation.
All in all, to be down right honest though, I am pretty sick of talking to people in general. Anywhere I go, it's all about staring at my stomach with wide eyes, and asking if I was due a week ago with twins, or the other day a particularly rude lady had the nerve to ask if I was having triplets and if I was overdue. Really? Needless to say I just had to turn the other way and leave the situation before I became hostile. Through this whole experience I have learned a lot about people and how strongly they stick to their own feelings and opinions towards certain subjects, how forceful women can be about giving advice, how absolutely rude people a.k.a strangers are capable of being, and how the entire generation of older people must think that all first time mom's are just straight up idiots who have no clue what is going on with their own bodies or the current life around them. Some of my favorite 'tips' that were so kindly yet strongly expressed to me have been, to not have the baby around a cat litter box (Actually! I was thinking of using one as a bassinet), to wash the baby's clothes before the baby wears them (What newborn doesn't love that chemically starchy feeling on their brand new skin!?), to make sure my dog doesn't attack my baby (Crap, I was hoping to just give Oskar to Teagan as a nice human chew toy), to put rice in the baby's milk (No thank you, I'd rather my baby not eat a worthless grain that will only turn into sugar once in my baby's stomach, cool, hooked on white sugar already!), to make sure the baby stays warm (Hmm really? Baby can't sleep outside barefoot? Shoot.) I could really go on and on, but I wont. I guess I am just all too ready to be done being pregnant. I cannot wait to have my body back to myself, even if it is a new flabbier, tired version of myself! Just knowing the promise of an ice cold beer in my hand, a lighter load to carry around and the river at my not swollen anymore feet in three weeks is SO AMAZING. I can not believe that my 'due date' is only three weeks away and that I will have gone through almost a year of being pregnant. Nine plus months of feeling so many highs and lows, so many emotional breakdowns, acne, skin spots, bleeding, ER trips, stupid fights with my poor boyfriend, leg cramps, ever growing boobs, debilitating tiredness, gut wrenching nausea, food aversions, cravings for all things bad i.e. donuts, cake, chocolate milk, captain crunch, corn dogs, hearty dinners, salt etc., migraines, bad vision, seeing spots, insomnia, swollen limbs, cramps, gas, extreme bloating, itchy skin, ridiculous and never ending constipation, and the list goes on.
In between all of those unpleasant parts I just named, there is also a big list of good parts to this whole experience too and I absolutely would never ever trade it for anything! In the past nine months I have created my very own little human being who will be MINE to keep forever and ever. He came from my own blood and flesh and a little bit of Peter's too ;) He lived inside of my body, which I think is absolutely crazy. I got to witness on a screen the very first few weeks his little heart started to work. So many incredible moments to remember. I will have a little best friend who I get to provide for and take the utter most proper care for. I get to shape this little tiny boy into someone that I can call perfect in my own awesome way. I've learned from the paths of my parents, what I want to instill in his life, and what I most definitely don't. This is probably the biggest and most important opportunity in my life to succeed and contribute to the world, and to fulfill my own hopes and dreams, and most importantly to make sure that I can fulfill his little hopes and dreams too. I get to create my very own little man, who I hope will grow into a strong little gentleman. So many amazing things are about to happen and I can't even begin to express how ecstatic I am to be the leader on this journey. I am so proud of myself. In the beginning it seemed like such an unreachable task to complete, forty weeks seemed like an eternity. Some days, it felt like it too. Now, my countdown on the app on my phone shows less than a month, my baby compares to a watermelon, the latest symptoms should be discomfort, swollen feet and contractions- contractions?! The belly diagram shows what looks to be a baby the size of a toddler still growing in my womb, my list of things to do are none except relax and enjoy these last days as an almost parent, and if my baby came in to my life now, he'd be OK, and that is music to my ears :) I would blabber and boast more about how much I love and appreciate Peter too, but I feel that deserves its own post at some point soon. Because, he is amazing and deserves at least that.
I think I will leave on that note, because I am tired of writing and because I am tired.
The end!
xoxo -L
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