Oskar Reed Looney

Oskar Reed

May 17th 2014 • 5:02 p.m.

6 lbs • 14 oz • 19 inches

He came into this world at what seemed like lightning speed, with a whopping total of twelve hours of fairly easy labor. It all began on a Saturday morning while I was laying in bed, 4:45 a.m., half asleep, and suddenly I felt as though I had peed my pants a little, and then a few seconds later, the next gush of liquid proved to be a lot more than just peeing my pants! As soon as I took in the full complexity of the situation my adrenaline started going crazy." Holy shit, it's happening," I kept saying to myself with the biggest of smiles on my face. I looked over to a passed out Peter and nudge him from a deep sleep telling him my water broke, with disbelief and shock on his face, it quickly sank in and we both got out of bed and started getting ready. I made a quick call to the hospital and they told me to just come right in since I was positive my water had already ruptured. Luckily, I had already packed my hospital bag. Also just the day before we cleaned out my car, washed it, and installed the car seat! Impeccable timing, considering we still had two weeks before our actual due date. Peter decided that he wanted to water the garden since we wouldn't be home for a few days, and I wasn't having any contractions yet. However, I did start to have some cramping, so I filled the bath with hot water, slowly and most carefully climbed in and let myself relax a bit before we left. The bath, confirming to be very calming and soothing to the anxiety I was feeling. I just sat there, in my tub, rubbing my belly and taking into full effect that soon, my baby boy would be here in my arms, and that my life-- our life as the two of us would suddenly be very, very, different. A funny fact--knowing the entire time of my pregnancy, was that I would actually go into labor early. Those last few days, it would only seem right, that the both of us were absolutely ready and our bodies finished with this incubation. My skin so tight,and my belly so bulging, sooo low, so much pressure and discomfort. This entirety of our journey together was slowly, yet to my surprise, very quickly coming to an end. So Bittersweet. After relaxing for a little while in the warm water and trying not to freak out, Peter helped me out of the tub and I dressed my swolen body one last time, taking a few last pictures, capturing a giddy grin and excited eyes, I was all together. We straightened up the house a bit. We gave Teagan a kiss goodbye, and we left the house for the last time as a family of two. It all seemed like a dream.

On the way to the hospital we smiled as we took pictures and had some laughs about how early it was for him to be coming, and how we just really couldn't believe it was finally happening. After getting to the hospital, the nurses wasted no time getting me settled into my room. It was about 8 o'clock by that time. We met my nurse Barb, who throughout the entirety of my labor and delivery was absolutely amazing and took the most delicate care of us. She was one of the main reasons I can look back and say Oskar's birth was a pleasant experience. When we first areived at the hospital, the general flow of things didn't seem to be very busy, but as the day went on, the entire wing of L&D filled up. After getting familiar with Barb, I changed into my hospital gown and she hooked me up to the monitors to see what was happening inside my belly. By then I started to have small contractions that weren't very strong, but the fact that the contractions had started on their own at all was an achievement in itself...no pitocin! Yes! Then she checked to see if I was dilated, which, was one of the most painful parts of the whole experience all together, because Oskar's head was already so low. I was dilated to 2!and 90% effaced! Barb told us to go walk laps around the L&D wing, to see if that might progress my contractions a bit. so we did, and boy did that speed things up. By about noon I was at 4 centimeters, and with a few more laps, around two o'clock I was dilated to six. By this time, my contractions were very, very, intense and strong, and it was by far the craziest, scariest, most terrible pain I'd ever felt! It makes me want to cry even thinking about it. Peter did all he could to help me and keep my spirits up; including being used as a human crutch to hold me up during those horrid contractions. So I opted to go for the epidural. I was not upset or disappointed with myself at all, I was proud of myself, and ready to get some relief, and try to enjoy the rest of the experience as much as I could. The epidural was a little scary itself, but I got through the procedure and good lord was I happy when it started to kick in. One side of my body got a little more numb than the other but it was enough to ease the terrible pain of those contractions. I could still feel them, but they were not intense, and I could breath through them, I think I even got a few minutes of sleep in.

By 4:15, the last time she would check me, I was already dilated to 10 and minutes later, I was ready to push! The delivery team came into the room, prepared the side room for Oskar's arrival, with the bassinet, and any machines or instruments they might need for extra medical intervention. Things were ready. It was serious time. It was time to do what I had thought about for months. Time to Push this baby out. Holy shit balls. Peter grabbed one leg, a nurse grabbed the other. Barb told me when to push and how long to hold it, and Peter gave me words of encouragement in between. At a certain point when the baby's head was crowning, my doctor had made it into the room ready to finish the delivery "He's got dark hair, but not tons!" I heard Barb say. After about forty minutes of pushing, his head wasn't "coming around the corner" as they said, and my doctor informed me she would be performing an epesiotomy on me, as Oskar's heartbeat had dipped down very low and he needed to come out now (they told me those scary details afterwards) So with that little incision, two pushes later, I felt Oskar's head come though, and heard the nose suction thing, a few quiet chokes, and then the first cry of my baby, 'HE'S REAL!' I remember thinking, 'I JUST DID THAT', even in my foggy, tired state, I remember the rest of his body being gently taken from mine (crazy feeling) and held up for me to see, he was pink and blue and shiny. Peter cut the cord and then they laid him on my chest. I remember looking at Peter and saying, 'oh my god' and bursting into tears and just completely in shock, my little human was finally here and right in front of my eyes, I didn't know what to do other then brush his little face, give him a kiss and cry. They took him away, back to the little room where they did his apgar test and helped him transition into our world a bit, as he was pretty stressed out from being stuck in my pelvis.

I remember looking over at Peter again, and he had been crying too, and both of us just looked at each other in amazement, and I remember saying 'holy shit babe' and him nodding his head, and saying 'Yeah, whoa..." (In a good/holy shit that just happened sort of way) For a few scary seconds I wondered why I hadn't heard him cry yet and I asked Peter why we hadn't heard him and my doctor heard me And she yelled over to the team and right quickly after that we heard his little cries again, and they shouted out his weight to us. The nurses got him all wrapped up and ready to be with me. Peter took pictures. I was happy to know that he would not be leaving my sight for the remainder of the night, until tomorrow when they took him for his bath and screening. The doctor and nurses fixed me all up. I was helped to the bathroom and then we were headed upstairs to our post-partem quarters. Our room was nice, and all to ourselves. Over the next two days we slept, healed, learned how to nurse, choked down hospital food, and got to know each other as a family. I met a side of my boyfriend that I had always dreamt about, an amazing, carefully sweet side of him, that came with natural ability to be a wonderful daddy and comfort our little baby boy. Like it was always there lying dormant. The whole time, we just kept saying that it didn't feel real, and that everything had happened so fast, and his birth was so early and unexpected, but we knew all along how real it was, and we accepted it, and embraced it with the fullest of hearts and open minds and enjoyed every single second of it, even the painful seconds, because it was a pain with a gain, the most wonderful gain anyone could ever imagine possible. It was the Most amazing, fulfilling, REAL, like really fucking real, eye opening experience of my life. I have new appreciation for women, and myself. I did it. We did it. I have my family. We are healthy and happy and trying our best to keep up with our new tiny human machine. We are so in love, and so excited for our future. Thank you for all of the sweet, kind words and well wishes to us!

36 weeks & 5 days

Yesterday I went in to my OB for my 36 week appointment, and as I knew it, all was well. Even though I have all of this discomfort and all around shitty lethargic mind state, Dr. Juhn assured me that it is all normal, and that all of the pressure and sharp pains mean that my body is progressing towards labor. In the back of my mind I wanted her to say that she was concerned and that she'd check me and admit me and Oskar would be coming soon but I know it is better that he comes later than sooner. So for now, Oskar is nice and healthy and comfy in my belly. My appointments will be weekly now that I am three weeks away from our official 'due date'. Next week she told me that she would start checking my cervix to see if I am dilated at all. So I look forward to next Friday's appointment! Lets hope it brings good progressive news.

 On the bright side, I am so thankful that I have had the past two weeks off of work to get everything prepared for baby, and Peter and I too. Now we just need to get the car seat installed, and make arrangements for Teagan while we are away at the hospital. On Monday we have our tour appointment at 7 p.m. in Roseville at the hospital where I will be delivering. A lot of people keep asking me how I plan on having my baby. I am really hoping and trying to prepare for the most natural approach to labor and delivery as I can. It is pretty important to me to try and bare through the contractions without giving into an epidural, but if it happens-- then it happens and I am not going to beat myself up about it. I have moments of doubt and extreme nervousness about the pain, and then I remember that it is coming no matter what, that women have done this forever, my body is made for it and I CAN do it. I have so many friends who are first time mom's and some who are second time moms, so I have been lucky enough to soak up tons of great advice and information from not only women who I know I can trust, but also women who I can relate to. Of course I could listen to the advice my mother gives me, and my elders, but so many things change between now and then, and I am grateful for it, but I feel a great relief in taking in the advice of my fellow generation.

 All in all, to be down right honest though, I am pretty sick of talking to people in general. Anywhere I go, it's all about staring at my stomach with wide eyes, and asking if I was due a week ago with twins, or the other day a particularly rude lady had the nerve to ask if I was having triplets and if I was overdue. Really? Needless to say I just had to turn the other way and leave the situation before I became hostile. Through this whole experience I have learned a lot about people and how strongly they stick to their own feelings and opinions towards certain subjects, how forceful women can be about giving advice, how absolutely rude people a.k.a strangers are capable of being, and how the entire generation of older people must think that all first time mom's are just straight up idiots who have no clue what is going on with their own bodies or the current life around them. Some of my favorite 'tips' that were so kindly yet strongly expressed to me have been, to not have the baby around a cat litter box (Actually! I was thinking of using one as a bassinet), to wash the baby's clothes before the baby wears them (What newborn doesn't love that chemically starchy feeling on their brand new skin!?), to make sure my dog doesn't attack my baby (Crap, I was hoping to just give Oskar to Teagan as a nice human chew toy), to put rice in the baby's milk (No thank you, I'd rather my baby not eat a worthless grain that will only turn into sugar once in my baby's stomach, cool, hooked on white sugar already!), to make sure the baby stays warm (Hmm really? Baby can't sleep outside barefoot? Shoot.) I could really go on and on, but I wont. I guess I am just all too ready to be done being pregnant. I cannot wait to have my body back to myself, even if it is a new flabbier, tired version of myself! Just knowing the promise of an ice cold beer in my hand, a lighter load to carry around and the river at my not swollen anymore feet in three weeks is SO AMAZING. I can not believe that my 'due date' is only three weeks away and that I will have gone through almost a year of being pregnant. Nine plus months of feeling so many highs and lows, so many emotional  breakdowns, acne, skin spots, bleeding, ER trips, stupid fights with my poor boyfriend, leg cramps, ever growing boobs, debilitating tiredness, gut wrenching nausea, food aversions, cravings for all things bad i.e. donuts, cake, chocolate milk, captain crunch, corn dogs, hearty dinners, salt etc., migraines, bad vision, seeing spots, insomnia, swollen limbs, cramps, gas, extreme bloating, itchy skin, ridiculous and never ending constipation, and the list goes on.

In between all of those unpleasant parts I just named, there is also a big list of good parts to this whole experience too and I absolutely would never ever trade it for anything! In the past nine months I have created my very own little human being who will be MINE to keep forever and ever. He came from my own blood and flesh and a little bit of Peter's too ;) He lived inside of my body, which I think is absolutely crazy. I got to witness on a screen the very first few weeks his little heart started to work. So many incredible moments to remember. I will have a little best friend who I get to provide for and take the utter most proper care for. I get to shape this little tiny boy into someone that I can call perfect in my own awesome way. I've learned from the paths of my parents, what I want to instill in his life, and what I most definitely don't. This is probably the biggest and most important opportunity in my life to succeed and contribute to the world, and to fulfill my own hopes and dreams, and most importantly to make sure that I can fulfill his little hopes and dreams too. I get to create my very own little man, who I hope will grow into a strong little gentleman. So many amazing things are about to happen and I can't even begin to express how ecstatic I am to be the leader on this journey. I am so proud of myself. In the beginning it seemed like such an unreachable task to complete, forty weeks seemed like an eternity. Some days, it felt like it too. Now, my countdown on the app on my phone shows less than a month, my baby compares to a watermelon, the latest symptoms should be discomfort, swollen feet and contractions- contractions?! The belly diagram shows what looks to be a baby the size of a toddler still growing in my womb, my list of things to do are none except relax and enjoy these last days as an almost parent, and if my baby came in to my life now, he'd be OK, and that is music to my ears :) I would blabber and boast more about how much I love and appreciate Peter too, but I feel that deserves its own post at some point soon. Because, he is amazing and deserves at least that.

I think I will leave on that note, because I am tired of writing and because I am tired. 

The end!
xoxo -L