Month 12!

happy first birthday my sweet little not so baby man. trucks, water, rocks and dirt are a few of your most favorite things in life currently and definitely classify you as a "boy" but I see those things as being earthy and creative and independent. yogurt, chicken, and nectarines your favorite foods. you basically love anything we give you, as long as it's not a slimy avocado or banana -you hate those. you still sleep by your mamas side and although it's still a little rough on her at times when you wake up 22 times a night to comfort feed, she wouldn't have it any other way. your first real word shows your undying love for your doggie "Teagy" as you say over and over when she's near, she is also the only other being (besides me)  that you will literally grab her head and kiss her snout because you think it's her mouth. you hate balloons, loud noise, thunder, and when people are in your face talking in baby talk like you're an idiot. you look like your dad, and you love cake and zucchini like your mom, but you also hate eggs like your dad. It's really amazing to see the little people you create with another person take on all of your traits and habits and create their own too. All in all, Oskar Reed I think you're turning out to be a rad little boy and such a blessing.

Almost one

So Like every other mother has thought to herself, I can't believe my baby is actually turning one year old in just a few short weeks. Where the hell did all that time go? Back in the early days I was almost certain that time couldn't possibly be going any slower, and that I had actually wished that I could fast forward things to six months ahead, because let's be honest, I was scared out of my fucking mind. Be careful what you wish for.-[ Now I wish I could rewind, but honestly, I can do without the scared shitless new parent 'where do I even begin or how' phase of brand new motherhood. No thanks. My baby and I have come a LONG way from that first night home from the hospital. When of course Oskar decided that that night was a great time to cry his hardest for as long as humanly possible for no apparent reason and scare the hell out of myself and Peter. We conquered that first bit of Nasty diaper rash. We leaped over hurdles and bounds and more hurdles with acid reflux and gaining a steady healthy weight, battling those ever present bouts of projectile vomit that were literally all day every day, can't stop / won't stop style. Golly damn doo it's been a bit of a rough road, but in that also a spectacular learning experience. I feel like a pro now. My life has literally flipped and flopped into something completely different than it used to be or that I could have ever dreamed it would be - even with a baby. I didn't believe anyone who said it was hard. I wish I could slap my old self. So naive. So quick to assume. But all in all, in the end, it is absolutely amazing in every possible way, the good and the bad, and it makes you really pry into yourself and think about what you're doing, and what you will do with this precious being in the future. It all matters now, when in days before it seemed like sometimes I just didn't care about much of anything, it all counts now, everything I do. All I have. It's all for a reason now. The best reason possible. 

Liz and TJ wed on a smokey Saturday

It was a smoky morning due to the neighboring county fire in the mountains of Polluck Pines. Being as far away as it was, the smoke was only a small hindrance to the morning, and tapered off by the early afternoon. Chairs were unfolded and put into rows, bunches of flowers cut and wrapped, seating charts written up until the last minutes upon guests arriving the grounds. A beautiful white dress hung over our heads as we bridesmaids bustled around, applying layers of makeup to our bare faces and sipping beers to keep our sanity. On went our marine blue maxi dresses. some of us wearing heels and some not, coral beaded necklaces adorned our chests. we filled every last second with chatty conversation, glossing lips, and batting eyelashes. We dolled up mother of the bride, in and out of two adjoined rooms we went, back and forth, laughing, tears showing up now and then, emotions running high. we kept things messy and last minute. Soon the minutes had vanished and it all started to come together. we stumbled out of the brides quarters and out into the garage. Moments later, she graced us with her beautiful presence, cameras flashing and smiles flying high, these are moments I want to remember. My best friend was about to walk down the aisle with me standing by her side. A truly exciting and whimsical day it was to be had. So delighted and honored to have been a part of the magic that glued this wonderful day together, and ended with two of my favorite people married, as they should be, forever and ever. Here's to you Lizzy and TJ Dowd! May your love stay true and happy till always, I am so excited to watch your family grow. Thank you for sharing your special day with me and my family, we had a blast.

2 months already

With those pretty blue eyes, that warm olive skin, and all those tiny little limbs, baby Oskar has completely stolen our hearts. Oh, and that fresh, soft, perfect baby scent, how much better can it get? These are the days I have been waiting for, long before I saw the plus mark on that pink pregnancy test. These are the best days, as trying as they may seem, they're all I've ever dreamt of. As many people had mentioned, with the goods, also comes the not-so-goods. Two weeks had gone by, and we went in for a check up a few days after O's circumcision. Between the four of us, we figured out that Oskar must have the acid reflux, unfortunately. So much vomit, and not baby spit-up, we are talking full on vomit, to my surprise- a tiny newborn can barf quite a lot, even if it is only breastmilk. That in itself is quite rough on mama and her boobs. We are getting along, as we have to, and like all things, this too will pass and get better and he will grow out of it hopefully by 8 months. Peter has had to work quite a bit due to some personnel changes at work. That has also been a bit of a challenge for me, as being alone for lengthy periods of time with a teeny human, who can only whimper and cry, seems to get a little lonely, and quite challenging at times. I must say, that these few things I've mentioned are just minute flaws in this lovely task of motherhood that I've so quickly and eagerly come to know and love. My little man is extremely amazing and teaches me new things every single day. I had no idea how strong of a woman I could be, both physically and mentally, until now. Sleep deprivation is a joke, until you have a newborn. I have new found respects for my elders, and my friends, and all of the mothers who do their job the best they can every single day. There is no giving up anymore, this is real time, and I adore every minute of it.  

Oskar Reed Looney

Oskar Reed

May 17th 2014 • 5:02 p.m.

6 lbs • 14 oz • 19 inches

He came into this world at what seemed like lightning speed, with a whopping total of twelve hours of fairly easy labor. It all began on a Saturday morning while I was laying in bed, 4:45 a.m., half asleep, and suddenly I felt as though I had peed my pants a little, and then a few seconds later, the next gush of liquid proved to be a lot more than just peeing my pants! As soon as I took in the full complexity of the situation my adrenaline started going crazy." Holy shit, it's happening," I kept saying to myself with the biggest of smiles on my face. I looked over to a passed out Peter and nudge him from a deep sleep telling him my water broke, with disbelief and shock on his face, it quickly sank in and we both got out of bed and started getting ready. I made a quick call to the hospital and they told me to just come right in since I was positive my water had already ruptured. Luckily, I had already packed my hospital bag. Also just the day before we cleaned out my car, washed it, and installed the car seat! Impeccable timing, considering we still had two weeks before our actual due date. Peter decided that he wanted to water the garden since we wouldn't be home for a few days, and I wasn't having any contractions yet. However, I did start to have some cramping, so I filled the bath with hot water, slowly and most carefully climbed in and let myself relax a bit before we left. The bath, confirming to be very calming and soothing to the anxiety I was feeling. I just sat there, in my tub, rubbing my belly and taking into full effect that soon, my baby boy would be here in my arms, and that my life-- our life as the two of us would suddenly be very, very, different. A funny fact--knowing the entire time of my pregnancy, was that I would actually go into labor early. Those last few days, it would only seem right, that the both of us were absolutely ready and our bodies finished with this incubation. My skin so tight,and my belly so bulging, sooo low, so much pressure and discomfort. This entirety of our journey together was slowly, yet to my surprise, very quickly coming to an end. So Bittersweet. After relaxing for a little while in the warm water and trying not to freak out, Peter helped me out of the tub and I dressed my swolen body one last time, taking a few last pictures, capturing a giddy grin and excited eyes, I was all together. We straightened up the house a bit. We gave Teagan a kiss goodbye, and we left the house for the last time as a family of two. It all seemed like a dream.

On the way to the hospital we smiled as we took pictures and had some laughs about how early it was for him to be coming, and how we just really couldn't believe it was finally happening. After getting to the hospital, the nurses wasted no time getting me settled into my room. It was about 8 o'clock by that time. We met my nurse Barb, who throughout the entirety of my labor and delivery was absolutely amazing and took the most delicate care of us. She was one of the main reasons I can look back and say Oskar's birth was a pleasant experience. When we first areived at the hospital, the general flow of things didn't seem to be very busy, but as the day went on, the entire wing of L&D filled up. After getting familiar with Barb, I changed into my hospital gown and she hooked me up to the monitors to see what was happening inside my belly. By then I started to have small contractions that weren't very strong, but the fact that the contractions had started on their own at all was an achievement in itself...no pitocin! Yes! Then she checked to see if I was dilated, which, was one of the most painful parts of the whole experience all together, because Oskar's head was already so low. I was dilated to 2!and 90% effaced! Barb told us to go walk laps around the L&D wing, to see if that might progress my contractions a bit. so we did, and boy did that speed things up. By about noon I was at 4 centimeters, and with a few more laps, around two o'clock I was dilated to six. By this time, my contractions were very, very, intense and strong, and it was by far the craziest, scariest, most terrible pain I'd ever felt! It makes me want to cry even thinking about it. Peter did all he could to help me and keep my spirits up; including being used as a human crutch to hold me up during those horrid contractions. So I opted to go for the epidural. I was not upset or disappointed with myself at all, I was proud of myself, and ready to get some relief, and try to enjoy the rest of the experience as much as I could. The epidural was a little scary itself, but I got through the procedure and good lord was I happy when it started to kick in. One side of my body got a little more numb than the other but it was enough to ease the terrible pain of those contractions. I could still feel them, but they were not intense, and I could breath through them, I think I even got a few minutes of sleep in.

By 4:15, the last time she would check me, I was already dilated to 10 and minutes later, I was ready to push! The delivery team came into the room, prepared the side room for Oskar's arrival, with the bassinet, and any machines or instruments they might need for extra medical intervention. Things were ready. It was serious time. It was time to do what I had thought about for months. Time to Push this baby out. Holy shit balls. Peter grabbed one leg, a nurse grabbed the other. Barb told me when to push and how long to hold it, and Peter gave me words of encouragement in between. At a certain point when the baby's head was crowning, my doctor had made it into the room ready to finish the delivery "He's got dark hair, but not tons!" I heard Barb say. After about forty minutes of pushing, his head wasn't "coming around the corner" as they said, and my doctor informed me she would be performing an epesiotomy on me, as Oskar's heartbeat had dipped down very low and he needed to come out now (they told me those scary details afterwards) So with that little incision, two pushes later, I felt Oskar's head come though, and heard the nose suction thing, a few quiet chokes, and then the first cry of my baby, 'HE'S REAL!' I remember thinking, 'I JUST DID THAT', even in my foggy, tired state, I remember the rest of his body being gently taken from mine (crazy feeling) and held up for me to see, he was pink and blue and shiny. Peter cut the cord and then they laid him on my chest. I remember looking at Peter and saying, 'oh my god' and bursting into tears and just completely in shock, my little human was finally here and right in front of my eyes, I didn't know what to do other then brush his little face, give him a kiss and cry. They took him away, back to the little room where they did his apgar test and helped him transition into our world a bit, as he was pretty stressed out from being stuck in my pelvis.

I remember looking over at Peter again, and he had been crying too, and both of us just looked at each other in amazement, and I remember saying 'holy shit babe' and him nodding his head, and saying 'Yeah, whoa..." (In a good/holy shit that just happened sort of way) For a few scary seconds I wondered why I hadn't heard him cry yet and I asked Peter why we hadn't heard him and my doctor heard me And she yelled over to the team and right quickly after that we heard his little cries again, and they shouted out his weight to us. The nurses got him all wrapped up and ready to be with me. Peter took pictures. I was happy to know that he would not be leaving my sight for the remainder of the night, until tomorrow when they took him for his bath and screening. The doctor and nurses fixed me all up. I was helped to the bathroom and then we were headed upstairs to our post-partem quarters. Our room was nice, and all to ourselves. Over the next two days we slept, healed, learned how to nurse, choked down hospital food, and got to know each other as a family. I met a side of my boyfriend that I had always dreamt about, an amazing, carefully sweet side of him, that came with natural ability to be a wonderful daddy and comfort our little baby boy. Like it was always there lying dormant. The whole time, we just kept saying that it didn't feel real, and that everything had happened so fast, and his birth was so early and unexpected, but we knew all along how real it was, and we accepted it, and embraced it with the fullest of hearts and open minds and enjoyed every single second of it, even the painful seconds, because it was a pain with a gain, the most wonderful gain anyone could ever imagine possible. It was the Most amazing, fulfilling, REAL, like really fucking real, eye opening experience of my life. I have new appreciation for women, and myself. I did it. We did it. I have my family. We are healthy and happy and trying our best to keep up with our new tiny human machine. We are so in love, and so excited for our future. Thank you for all of the sweet, kind words and well wishes to us!