36 weeks & 5 days

Yesterday I went in to my OB for my 36 week appointment, and as I knew it, all was well. Even though I have all of this discomfort and all around shitty lethargic mind state, Dr. Juhn assured me that it is all normal, and that all of the pressure and sharp pains mean that my body is progressing towards labor. In the back of my mind I wanted her to say that she was concerned and that she'd check me and admit me and Oskar would be coming soon but I know it is better that he comes later than sooner. So for now, Oskar is nice and healthy and comfy in my belly. My appointments will be weekly now that I am three weeks away from our official 'due date'. Next week she told me that she would start checking my cervix to see if I am dilated at all. So I look forward to next Friday's appointment! Lets hope it brings good progressive news.

 On the bright side, I am so thankful that I have had the past two weeks off of work to get everything prepared for baby, and Peter and I too. Now we just need to get the car seat installed, and make arrangements for Teagan while we are away at the hospital. On Monday we have our tour appointment at 7 p.m. in Roseville at the hospital where I will be delivering. A lot of people keep asking me how I plan on having my baby. I am really hoping and trying to prepare for the most natural approach to labor and delivery as I can. It is pretty important to me to try and bare through the contractions without giving into an epidural, but if it happens-- then it happens and I am not going to beat myself up about it. I have moments of doubt and extreme nervousness about the pain, and then I remember that it is coming no matter what, that women have done this forever, my body is made for it and I CAN do it. I have so many friends who are first time mom's and some who are second time moms, so I have been lucky enough to soak up tons of great advice and information from not only women who I know I can trust, but also women who I can relate to. Of course I could listen to the advice my mother gives me, and my elders, but so many things change between now and then, and I am grateful for it, but I feel a great relief in taking in the advice of my fellow generation.

 All in all, to be down right honest though, I am pretty sick of talking to people in general. Anywhere I go, it's all about staring at my stomach with wide eyes, and asking if I was due a week ago with twins, or the other day a particularly rude lady had the nerve to ask if I was having triplets and if I was overdue. Really? Needless to say I just had to turn the other way and leave the situation before I became hostile. Through this whole experience I have learned a lot about people and how strongly they stick to their own feelings and opinions towards certain subjects, how forceful women can be about giving advice, how absolutely rude people a.k.a strangers are capable of being, and how the entire generation of older people must think that all first time mom's are just straight up idiots who have no clue what is going on with their own bodies or the current life around them. Some of my favorite 'tips' that were so kindly yet strongly expressed to me have been, to not have the baby around a cat litter box (Actually! I was thinking of using one as a bassinet), to wash the baby's clothes before the baby wears them (What newborn doesn't love that chemically starchy feeling on their brand new skin!?), to make sure my dog doesn't attack my baby (Crap, I was hoping to just give Oskar to Teagan as a nice human chew toy), to put rice in the baby's milk (No thank you, I'd rather my baby not eat a worthless grain that will only turn into sugar once in my baby's stomach, cool, hooked on white sugar already!), to make sure the baby stays warm (Hmm really? Baby can't sleep outside barefoot? Shoot.) I could really go on and on, but I wont. I guess I am just all too ready to be done being pregnant. I cannot wait to have my body back to myself, even if it is a new flabbier, tired version of myself! Just knowing the promise of an ice cold beer in my hand, a lighter load to carry around and the river at my not swollen anymore feet in three weeks is SO AMAZING. I can not believe that my 'due date' is only three weeks away and that I will have gone through almost a year of being pregnant. Nine plus months of feeling so many highs and lows, so many emotional  breakdowns, acne, skin spots, bleeding, ER trips, stupid fights with my poor boyfriend, leg cramps, ever growing boobs, debilitating tiredness, gut wrenching nausea, food aversions, cravings for all things bad i.e. donuts, cake, chocolate milk, captain crunch, corn dogs, hearty dinners, salt etc., migraines, bad vision, seeing spots, insomnia, swollen limbs, cramps, gas, extreme bloating, itchy skin, ridiculous and never ending constipation, and the list goes on.

In between all of those unpleasant parts I just named, there is also a big list of good parts to this whole experience too and I absolutely would never ever trade it for anything! In the past nine months I have created my very own little human being who will be MINE to keep forever and ever. He came from my own blood and flesh and a little bit of Peter's too ;) He lived inside of my body, which I think is absolutely crazy. I got to witness on a screen the very first few weeks his little heart started to work. So many incredible moments to remember. I will have a little best friend who I get to provide for and take the utter most proper care for. I get to shape this little tiny boy into someone that I can call perfect in my own awesome way. I've learned from the paths of my parents, what I want to instill in his life, and what I most definitely don't. This is probably the biggest and most important opportunity in my life to succeed and contribute to the world, and to fulfill my own hopes and dreams, and most importantly to make sure that I can fulfill his little hopes and dreams too. I get to create my very own little man, who I hope will grow into a strong little gentleman. So many amazing things are about to happen and I can't even begin to express how ecstatic I am to be the leader on this journey. I am so proud of myself. In the beginning it seemed like such an unreachable task to complete, forty weeks seemed like an eternity. Some days, it felt like it too. Now, my countdown on the app on my phone shows less than a month, my baby compares to a watermelon, the latest symptoms should be discomfort, swollen feet and contractions- contractions?! The belly diagram shows what looks to be a baby the size of a toddler still growing in my womb, my list of things to do are none except relax and enjoy these last days as an almost parent, and if my baby came in to my life now, he'd be OK, and that is music to my ears :) I would blabber and boast more about how much I love and appreciate Peter too, but I feel that deserves its own post at some point soon. Because, he is amazing and deserves at least that.

I think I will leave on that note, because I am tired of writing and because I am tired. 

The end!
xoxo -L

Photo timeline

Here are a few photos from the time I was newly pregnant until about a week ago.

First week of knowing I was pregnant,

about 5 weeks along. 

Seaside Oregon visiting family & friends,

was in my best friends wedding,

enduring the worst of my morning sickness & fatigue

about 9 weeks along.

First appointment & ultrasound @ 7 weeks 5 days,

our little blob.

 Prental screening ultrasound, passed it with flying colors!

13 weeks along.

Christmas approaching, 

the baby bump snuck up on me and popped out pretty quickly,
now I wasn't just bloated, but actually 'showing' :)

18 weeks along.

 January came and we got a two second glimpse of our little gummy bear's precious parts,

it's a boy! :) 

21 weeks along.

Our little alien 

 Profile :)

 bump @ 24 weeks

 Us @ 24 weeks

 bump @ 25 weeks

bump @ 26 weeks

 Morning time bump @ 26 weeks

My good friend Heather and I at work last week,

we are about seven weeks apart, she is due early April and I am due late May...

So crazy to see how people and their bodies react to pregnancy so differently.

Heather is having a girl, and you can tell she is carrying a lot higher than me.

26 weeks.

New things

For the last eight months I have been living at my grandparents house, due to the three month break-up Peter and I endured last May. When I moved out of the house I was sharing with Peter and his younger brother Mark, they had another roommate move into the spare room to help save money. When Peter and I were steadily dating and back together once again, we both decided it would be better if I waited to move in until Mark and the other roommate moved out. So, I waited, and it seemed like an eternity for me, being that I was pregnant this whole time and wanting to be in my own place to plan and nest. Finally the other roommate moved out at the end of December and February rolled around, which meant I could move in again! No more longing for my own place to belong and feel at ease and just be myself. Took a huge load of stress off of my mind, and everyday struggles of trying to carry on a comfortable life living out of a small bedroom at my grandparents house, where I felt confined and irritated on a daily basis. Such a relief! My mood has changed so much, and I can do a lot more with my energy now. It was a rough start, having to clean up after three guys who were the least bit concerned about having a clean house for eight months. I will not go into details. I definitely got some exercise from my massive overtaking of cleaning journeys throughout the house. Luckily I found some good cleaning products that are natural and safe for me to use, because if I couldn't do this myself, it just wouldn't be how I wanted it to be, or up to my standards I should say. Peter and I still share the same schedule mostly with our days off being wednesdays and thursdays together and then I also have fridays off. Three day breaks from work are nice and allow me the time to be productive around the house, as well as to spend quality time with Peter. We have a tremendous amount the work to do around the house still before baby comes and that is the next mound of stress that my mind has taken upon itself. Slowly but surely we will get it done. My main focus being on getting our wood floors done by the time we have our baby shower in April, which is a month and half away now--crazy. Second point of focus would be getting our backyard decent looking enough for the shower, and the third priority being baby Oskar's room. Though, I cannot worry too much about it right now, only because Mark is still living here and I can't exactly force him to move out onto the couch, nor do I want to. So, Oskars room will have to wait until about mid April after Mark moves out. I am not too concerned with it though, all we have to do is paint the walls, clean the carpets, and set up the furniture that we wont have until after the baby showers anyway. I plan on his nursery being very simplistic, thrifty, and modern. No themes, except for simplicity itself. I want it to be a room where I can hang out too and feel comfortable. I want it to be something that he can grow into, and we wont have to transform it as he goes through the many stages of boyhood. We want to incorporate a lot of greenery into the room as well, Pete is really excited to find just the right plants to place in just the right spots. I've decided its best for me, and my wallet to stop buying stuff for Oskar and let everyone else do that for me. I'll be waiting for my showers and after, if certain things are still needed I can then go shopping. I am really excited to check out 'Between friends', a huge consignment sale for all stuff baby and toddler that is held every April at the fairgrounds in Roseville. Everything from clothing, to furniture, to breast pumps and toys. All used, yet all in very good condition. I've heard about it for a few years, but had no reason to go obviously. Okay, enough about Oskars room. So far moving back in has been fairly easy, and I have enjoyed it. Being able to wake up in my own house, in my bed that I share with my man, to look over my shoulder and see my dog whining in my face for me to feed her in the morning is the greatest thing, something that I will never take for granted, ever again! Our house is so bright, and so comfy, I am at ease, I am in my own realm again, and it feels so awesome. I love cleaning my kitchen. I love making my bed. I love folding my clean laundry and hearing my bird chirp back at me while doing so. I love being able to spend my mornings with Peter, taking a shower and getting ready in my bathroom, having him around me is such a treat. Waking up to his hand across my swollen belly is the best feeling. Getting this chance to create our own little family is the most amazing gift I could ever ask for and getting the ability to now savor every moment of it is my goal from morning till I close my eyes at night. I used to take all of these little things that make up so much of what my life really is, for granted. My resolution for this year is to live life in a more simple matter. To not worry about the smaller things in life that take up so much energy and time (money, materialistic things, people) and focus on the bigger picture, the big things that really do matter, like waking up alive and healthy next to my man, while my little boy squirms around in my tummy, that I am creating!!! Such an amazing thing to be able to say that I created a human. Life as of right now is pretty great, there are everyday triumphs that by no means are a breeze to ignore, but trying to not let them ruin my day is something that I am working on and doing well at so far. Well I should close my eyes and sleep, we have more moving of my things tomorrow, more cleaning and more enjoying life to do. 

that is all for now,
l i n d s a y

pregnancy up to date

I am currently 22 weeks and 5 days pregnant. My due date is and has continued to stay at May 31st 2014 since my very first doctor visit and ultrasound. On January 13th we found out that we are expecting a little boy. We are still searching and tossing some names around and as soon as we make a final decision I will definitely post it on here! As for how I am feeling- so far, so good. In the beginning I definitely had morning sickness, (it should be called 'all the time sickness') and I was extremely tired all the time. That lasted till about the 15th week, and then tapered off pretty quickly. I am three weeks away from going into my third trimester already! Time seemed to take SO LONG at first, and now it seems to be going faster and faster. I am starting to feel fatigued in the mornings again, and especially after a day of work now. I am currently working at the restaurant still as a bartender/server, pulling 4-5 shifts a week. As long as my pregnancy keeps going well, I plan to keep working as much as I can until my body or my doctor wont let me anymore. The little man likes to kick and roll around a lot during the day, I don't notice him much at night, but he's still so little at this point, I'm sure that will change! Right now according to my BabyCenter weekly update he should be about ten inches long from head to toe and weigh just over a pound. When we had our last ultrasound done, he measured normal size and seemed to be healthy and happy. Well it is late and I think that is all for now, I will post more soon and pictures too.

..l i n d s a y..